Second Time Around by Fel Fern

Author:Fel Fern [Fern, Fel]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Fel Fern

6

“Why didn’t you?” Gage’s expression was a little hard to read.

Joel wondered if Gage still hated him a little for his decision ten years ago. If their positions were reversed, he’d certainly be resentful.

Being in Gage’s presence chased away all the shadows in his head. Clarity filled him for the first time in thirty-six hours. Joel’s craving for Heaven dissipated.

He didn’t have the urge to throw up. He felt good. Brave. Almost like his old self.

“I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to leave. You were the one thing holding me back,” Joel said, biting on his lower lip. Gage deserved the truth. “I was thoughtless. Selfish. I don’t deserve your kindness.”

Joel had never been this honest with anyone before. It was refreshing. Gage told Joel he was still in love with him.

Was that why Gage helped him in that alleyway?

Joel was grateful. For Gage’s discretion and for giving him another chance. If Gage hadn’t stepped in, Joel would be out of jail sooner or later.

He’d go back to his old habits. He wouldn’t even think of changing his ways. Eventually, the cops would find his dead body in Cal’s apartment.

That future would never come to pass now.

Joel knew he must be a pain in the ass lately but he needed to grit his teeth and see this through.

For himself, for Gage. For them.

Gage didn’t deserve a junkie for a partner. Joel would work harder at being better.

“We were both just kids back then,” Gage murmured. “You needed to go. You’ve always talked about attending college in the city. It’s what you wanted.”

“What I thought I wanted.” Joel corrected. “Where did that path lead me? I’m still paying off my student loans. I’m a junkie and I’m back here.”

Depression sunk its claws in his gut again. His stomach coiled. He suddenly didn’t want to look at Gage, so he dropped his gaze.

Joel felt the same way for Gage. He hadn’t lied. He’d always known Gage was the one for him. Gage would never cheat on him. He’d already shown he was the best boyfriend in the world.

Boyfriend.

Were they an item?

Gage certainly seemed invested in him, in them. Times like these, Joel felt unworthy. Deadweight.

How could a great guy like Gage fall for a loser like him?

It didn’t make any sense at all but it wasn’t like Joel had any intention of letting Gage go.

“Maybe you returned to Black River Bend for a reason,” Gage said. “You still have an entire lifetime ahead of you.”

Trust Gage to give him hope, to tell him all his efforts weren’t wasted. Joel sometimes wished he had a time-traveling machine so he could go back to the past but real life wasn’t fiction.

He couldn’t alter the choices he made as a teenager or as an adult. He had to learn to live with them.

“You think so?” He finally asked.

“I know you’ll recover from this. Most junkies never wake up. They want to keep being reliant on drugs but not you. You’ve always been single-minded when it comes to a goal.

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